Dirty minded rambling!

I don't really know what to write about here. I'm not a very skilled writer and never have been. My punctuation skills are horrible! And, without spell check I would be completely lost. But, I'm here, so I guess I'll shot!

My name is, Dixie! Before I hear it a million times! Yes! I am Dixie, from Dixie! My parents went as southern as they possibly could when naming me. Also! Please don't call me Dix! That's not a good name! I suffered it all through school. It may sound like cute shorter version to my name. But, in the mouths of bratty horny boys it sounds too much like dicks! You can imagine the names and teasing it created for me.

I get the feeling from other stories here you want things dirty, sexual and naughty. I'll make you a deal! How about both? I' promise to my best!

I was raised a pure dirty country girl. Maybe I wasn't that pure! Barefoot and filthy most of my childhood. I don't recall a lot before moving to the farm where I grew up. My dad left my mom with me and 4 other children. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. All as wild and as country as myself. If not worse! My mom worked for the owners of the farm as a cleaning lady. When my dad left they offered her a small house in the property to help her out. I spent my whole life in that farm and got into a lot of trouble. Having a dirty rebellious mind in the country gets you in some messy situations.

When I wasn't in trouble I was helping around the farm for extra money or I was running around in fields and the woods. As I got older there was less running and more romps in the woods. I started discovering my sexuality somewhere around 9 or 10. Young! There's not a lot to do in the middle of nowhere. Sex becomes a popular pastime. Always looking and trying new things trying to make it more intense. Making sex an adventure!

During my exploring I discovered things I liked. A lot of things I loved! And many more I shouldn't and feel a little ashamed by. There is a reason people joke about the farmers daughter. I may not be the daughter of a farmer. I was raised in the same environment and am the true definition of the jokes. There's not much I probably haven't tried at least once. Your talking to a girl that knew the definition of hucom by 16. It's a shock finding out that you can be milked.

During this period of learning I discovered a lot of things about myself and my sexuality. Some are still confusing and make no sense. I was brought up to be a strong independent woman. In many ways I am. Sexually is not one of those ways. I hate the way men think and act. They have been abusing and holding women back forever. The only trouble with it is needing that attitude sexually. I like a man to be degrading and overpower me during sex. I might preach and sound like a feminist. In bed I am everything but that. Some of these needs I think are natural. Some I have acquired from experiences. 

I've learned that I am much more than just bi. When it comes to men and women there is a huge difference. With women it's more emotional and visual appeal. More love and respect. It's the sexual side that is missing something. That's why I have way more failed relationships with men. I prefer them sexually. With men it doesn't matter what you look like or how old you are. I don't care what you think and how you feel. You can think women are the scum of the earth. In many ways that makes things better. Ugly and hateful sex is the best. I like my men to be cruel angry sex beasts. Which makes having any relationship with a man almost impossible. It makes sexual encounters amazing. It wasn't easy coming to this conclusion. With all the experiences and mistakes it find become clear as I got older.

Many of the dirty things I have come to enjoy and dream of are angry and aggressive in nature. I have a huge thing for being exposed and publicly humiliated. It's a very hard think to want. I would have never known I liked it if it wasn't for some unfortunate moments I found myself in. The first really embarrassing time this happened was at a small party. I was dared to get naked and let everyone see me. I hated every minute of it. After I loved the thought of it just as much. I found myself dreaming about it. The first time that really woke me up to it was at another party years later. A much bigger and mature party. Not much more mature. I had already discovered my joy in bondage and much dirtier things. I was hooked up with this guy and we played naughty. We were back in a room and he had me tied to the bed naked. He went down between my legs and it lasted less than a minute before the licking stopped and he passed out and hit the floor. We were very drunk and high. I wasn't thinking and screamed at hit trying to wake him up. Some others overheard the commotion and came to check it out. They knocked, but I didn't know what to say and was trying to get free. They open the door and started laughing at us. The whole party came to see. All of them teasing me and taking photos and videos. I became famous after those got out. Famous locally! Not pornstar famous. After it was over I found myself hooked. Kind of! I love it and fear it! I don't want it when I know it's about to happen. Afterwards I pleasure myself to the memory of it.

Then there is this need to be abducted, gangrapes and sexually tortured. This one is both natural and learned from experience. I used to imagine what it would be like. I didn't know if I would regret it or love it. I was curious enough to take the experience whenever it was offered. The first time convinced me that it was good and evil all rolled up into one hot fucking sexual experience. It started fantasizing about it daily. I started having vivid dreams about being abducted by large groups and forced into all different types of sexual and degrading acts. Hundreds of men! Even scary creatures. I'm not sure why. Too many horror movies maybe! There was no stopping it.

I had set myself up the day I first found myself experiencing anything like that. It was an older guy I knew that I really hated. He picked on me most my life growing up. After some of my sexual romps got out and he found out. He started flirt picking on me. He is one of the main reasons I hate the name Dix. He stalked me a called me several times a day. He wouldn't stop until I answered and talked to him. Most then time I did it just to shut him up for the day. One day he caught me in a dirty mood and I told him too much. I told him about my abduction gang rape fantasy. He made me a promise that he would help me. I didn't believe him and thought it was just his way of getting me in bed. I shared thoughts and ideas with him. I sent him these insanely wild abduction porn videos. I practically planned it all out myself without ever believing it would happen. He proved me wrong. I finally agreed to meet him and was jumped from behind. I was wrestled to the ground and had a black bag tied over my head and my hands chained behind my back. They put a belt around my neck to drag me around by and tossed me into this room full of men before pulling the hood off. I was roughed up, abused and passed around all weekend. By the end there was little fight left in me. I spent the last half chained in a basement while they continuously poured in and out. All guys I knew and hated. The moment didn't help my reputation any. It did make me that much more popular with the dirty boys I had no choice but to come to grips with my emotions. As much as I may convince myself that I hate it while it's happening. When it is all over it is all I think and and pleasure myself too.

During this time I developed some a lot more dirty fantasies and needs. I was developing into a dirty minded woman. A very scared one too. Not everything was sexual. Most of it was! That's all I thought about. Some of my biggest fears from that have created bad and good habits. My grades plummeted and good girl behavior plummeted fast. I spent more time in the woods and abandoned homes than I did in school. I did some bad things for grades and still didn't graduate. My sexuality and wild side took a toll on my education and home life. Which is nothing compared to what it did with my fears and habits.

Let's get some if my fears out of the way. Not all for the are exactly sexual. Like my fear of riding horses. I can pet them. I can wash them. I can walk them. I just can't ride them. After being bucked off and having my tits flattened against a wood post you have a much better chance at seeing a horse ride me before you see me riding a horse again. I freeze up and start shacking every time I try. Talk about freezing. You should see me in a goats pin. Had one get violent once and start ramming me. Reptiles is another. Had a big ass lizard chase me down once. Been scared of anything with scales since. Heights scare me but I don't think I have a reason why. Hate having a high bed with nothing under it. I always feel like something is going to grab my ankles and pull me under. Dark murky water. The dark! If I can't see it freaks me out. Fish is another! Never sit in a lake nude. That tickle you start to feel may not be your boyfriend's fingers. You should always watch for leaches too. You don't want to know where they will end up. Dogs scare me. People of different races. Bad storms. I'm sure I missed a couple. Most of the time I regret sharing my fears with the way I play and the people I play with. 

Some of the ones I got because of sex and kink are way worse. I can't sleep with strange people in the house. Those vivid dreams I told you about get pretty loud, detailed and animated. When anyone is around I can't sleep. If I do it almost guarantees one of those dreams. My dreams turn against me every single time. When. I am comfortable I never know. For some reason when I'm not, it is guaranteed and it sucks. It is one of the reasons why I now have a habit of playing with myself several times a day. That and I have a huge problem with daydreaming dirty things that can cause me very real and unexpected pleasure at the wrong times. I have at.least.ine sister who has the same problem. Who would have thought it was genetic. Joking I will say that I was always a little scared of bugs. My fear got worse because of my dirty ideas of fun. Being left bound outside at night with a bright light in you during the wrong time of year will get you swamped with flying and jumping things. You should always check the ground and trees before being bound in the woods. I've been bitten and stung too many times. It is a strange kink now. Still really sucks! Squirting is another fear. It's ok alone or behind closed doors. In public at the wrong time it's not. Its a mess you can't hide. My thoughts scare me. I can think my way into having an orgasm if I daydream dirty things too much for too long. I dirty butt! Don't ask me why. I now use enemas and bottles of water to keep that cleaned out. I now have a habit of changing my sheets every morning in fear of a missed stain from orgasms while sleeping.

I have also picked up habits that have nothing to do with fear. The first time I blew multiple guys for a long amount of time I noticed they all tasted different. Small things! Salty or bland! Sweet or bitter! All cum tastes a little different and it made me curious to try more. Now men have to pay a toll for being with me. I never met one that minded paying it. Now I have to taste a guy's cum before I will sleep or even kiss him. I have to know! It's an addiction and I can't commit to anything until I know what flavor they are.

So much for not knowing what to talk about. I think this place just opened up my Pandora's box. It's all coming out! I guess it's easier running my mouth while typing. Here comes more! Why stop now! This is going to be the longest thing I have ever typed out before. You wouldn't know I was really pretty shy from this.

Back to my jaw flapping! All that and exploring the dirty side of life got in the way of everything. I got a aunt and a sister that won't talk to me. Mon still does but she's not happy with men most of the time. I lost friends over it. I messed up school. I lost jobs and homes. Almost beed arrested. Humiliated 109's of times. It has caused a lot of problems and made growing up interesting and scary. Never a dull moment.

I didn't learn to control myself until around a couple of years back. I had to submerge myself into other things. Found things to occupy my time. I went back to work helping in the farm. Feeding and cleaning stalls. Mom helped me get some work cleaning and doing odds and ends for some other people. I volunteered for one of the local churches food pantries every other weekend. I volunteered for the city tough group. I also do DoorDash when I can. I walk the trails at the parks and have a small side hustle that I can't talk about. That kinda makes me sound like a drug dealer. I am not! It's more of a naughty sugar daddy thing. More like a dirty minded sugar farmer thing. That's as far as I'm going there. The point being is that I stay busy as much as I can. It's boring sexually but it's working and keeping me out of trouble. 

I'm now able to put a little money aside. I have a responsible and affordable place to live thanks to some friends I met volunteering. I was able to afford a gently used car that doesn't breaking down every other day now. Life's looking pretty good! I have even considered going back to school. I'm undecided! Truthfully I'm thinking about keeping this up for another year to get enough money put away to enjoy life for a little while. Time will tell!

I'm going to get off here before everyone starts telling me to shut up. I said way more than han I planned. And way more than I should. I hope I gave you some idea of who I am with all this. It took me some time to write it all. I don't know how to end this. I think I will just stop with hello and happy to be here.

Hello! I'm happy to be here!