Memos from HR

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Overuse of the BJ sluts

Gentlemen,

It has been brought to my attention that some of you are keeping the departmental blowjob sluts for an excessive period of time. Please remember that they are a shared resource, and limit yourself to no more than one hour with one of the sluts.

I know that many of them are quite talented fellatrices, and can give wonderfully prolonged and pleasurable blowjobs, and I do not wish to place arbitrary limits on your pleasure. However, there are others in the department who also wish to enjoy them, and so we must share.

If this problem continues, I may be forced to deny some of you (you know who you are) future access to them.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Not cleaning up the pain rooms

Gentlemen,

As a company, we are delighted to be able to offer you pain rooms. As you know, you are free to do as you like to the sluts there.

However, some of you have been abusing and butchering the pain sluts, but not cleaning up after yourselves. Remember, while you may enjoy seeing the visible reminders of what you have done, the next man to use the room wants to start fresh.

This should not be especially difficult, as there are plenty of sluts you can detail to perform the cleanup. If this continues to be a problem, I will be forced to assign a cleaning rota to all staff, and you will not be able to get the sluts to do it for you.

Thank you for doing your part to keep this office a clean and pleasant place to work.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Delaying the messenger sluts

Gentlemen,

As you know, we are pleased to provide messenger sluts to ensure good communication, and rapid delivery of critical documents, Note the word "rapid." Some of you are taking the time to fuck the messenger sluts. I don't wish to deny anyone their rights to take their pleasure from any slut they choose.

But at the same time, delaying them for more than a few minutes undermines the schedule. You all are familiar with the old proverb, "For want of a nail…" Let's not lose the corporate battle from such delays. To paraphrase the old postal motto, "Neither skull fucks, tit whipping, or cunt busting shall stay these couriers from their appointed rounds."

Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Drinking the milk sluts dry

Gentlemen,

There is nothing quite as refreshing to drink as fresh milk. Unfortunately, some of you have been drinking them dry.

As you know, the average milk sluts produces roughly six quarts of milk per day. So there is only so much to go around. The company would truly hate to put an end to this perk, but it depends on all of us cooperating.

So please do your part. Save some milk for the next man.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Clean up the bathroom

Gentlemen,

It pains me to have to write this, but some of you are not flushing the toilet sluts down the drain after using them.

I know some of you enjoy the smell of piss on a slut, but not everyone shares that taste. So please be considerate, and flush.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Excessive noise

Gentlemen,

There is nothing more exciting than a slut screaming, either in pleasure or pain. Far be it from HR to attempt to deny our employees that pleasure.

That being said, you have all been given offices WITH A DOOR for a reason. Please take advantage of that. You may be enjoying a well-deserved break, but your officemates are trying to work.

Please be considerate. Thank you.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: New Policy: No smoking in the office

Gentlemen,

In response to numerous complaints, we've been forced to institute a No Smoking policy in our offices.

We realise that some of you are not yet willing or ready to kick the habit, so to accommodate you, one pain room on each floor has been designated a smoking pain room. Please confine your smoking to those rooms only. And remember, don't drop your cigarette butts on the floor. Grind them out one of the available sluts, and have them swallow it.

Thank you for doing your part to make this a healthier work place.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Vegan meals

Gentlemen,

We are pleased to offer vegan options for meals at the office. For those of you interested in only eating meat from meatgirls who were raised on a strictly vegan diet, please reach out, and we will sign you up.

Enjoy!

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Casual Friday

Gentlemen,

Casual Friday was meant to offer a day where our employees could dress more for comfort than for client interfacing. Many of you have expressed your appreciation, and honored the spirit as well as the letter of the policy.

However, some of you have taken to wearing just boxers and a wife-beater, and some don't even bother with that much. This is simply unacceptable, and if it continues, disciplinary action will be taken, up to and including suspending or cancelling Casual Friday.

Your attention to this is appreciated.

Yours,

Garth

***

To: All Employees

From: Garth Davis (HR Manager)

Subject: Company provided transportation

Gentlemen,

One of the perks of employment we are glad to offer is free ponygirl service to and from your home, and to and from offsite business meetings. We are delighted by how many of you have taken advantage of the program, helping to make our company more eco-friendly.

All that being said, this is not a license to keep the ponygirls overnight. Remember that they do not belong to you, but to the company, and you need to see that they return promptly, so they may be used by others.

And please remember that if your schedule for morning pickup changes, you need to file a notice at least 24-hours in advance, or we cannot guarantee you access to a ponygirl at your changed time.

Yours,

Garth