Because She Loves Me….

I took it easy for the rest of my birthday, enjoying a well needed nap in the afternoon. I heard from my kids and opened the presents they had sent in the mail. We went out for dinner at a favorite restaurant, came home and cuddled on the couch watching a movie on Netflix.  It was nice. The next day I was stiff from the long-term bondage I endured. My hole was sore from the variety of uses it was put through and that lasted for a couple of days. My nipples were tender for at least a day, mainly from the clamps, I think. I had no stomach issues from what I consumed. No marks left behind from the wax or whippings. My butt cheeks recovered within minutes each time she had spanked them. It was all worth it.

Later in the week, the two of us had a long dinner conversation about my birthday. She proudly detailed out all that went into the decisions and planning. She said she was hesitant about reaching out to Mike not knowing what he would think. Upon further reflection she knew that he was the one person that knew about my bondage kink and that he knew that she and I had engaged in bondage play in the past. So, she called him. Mike is very approachable and has a very open and giving personality. And he likes to talk about sex. With my wife and him also being long-time dear friends, she was quickly put at ease during the initial conversation and was able to share what she wanted to do for my birthday. More importantly she was able to explain her desires to please me and express her apprehensions about if she could. He was able to overcome her doubts and, in fact, got her super excited about proceeding. She told me their first call was fantastic. He too thought what she was trying to do was perfect and wanted to help her succeed. Many calls followed.

During most of the planning my wife primarily talked to Mike. She did know and was ok with him conferring with others for ideas, dos and don’ts, etc. since he had told her his own bondage experience was limited. On one occasion, Mike arranged a conference call between her, DR. D, his mate, and himself. It turns out that the mate’s discussions during this call were a sizable influence in taking the bondage and abuse play up a notch, maybe two or three. He was able to explain the submissive side of the equation. He told her why guys and gals like to be tied up, why extra tight can be a special turn on (like it is to me), why punishment, abuse, and being made physically vulnerable and unable to resist can be as euphoric and sexually gratifying to the person bound as romantic, loving, tender cuddly sex is to her. He even clarified why it’s best to have your lover (and not others) be the dominant in BDSM play, especially when the submissive is usually the strong one in the relationship. He also explained how these sessions can serve as therapy as it can release pent up stress in the submissive.

He was able to sway her concerns and trepidations because he was willing to share his own personal circumstances, bondage and submissive kinks and about how these are part of his loving relationship with DR.D. His own successful professional experiences, needs and wants, family, friends and relationships that he communicated paralleled many of mine. And so, his comments along with the general discussion by the three guys convinced her that what she was going to do to me was a very common sexual fantasy, it would be harmless and in my case likely a good healthy thing for me mentally, that it sounded to them that it was something I really wanted, and finally, that I was not a freak, sicko, demented or deviant for wanting this, nor would SHE be any of those things if her roleplayed of the dominant mistress produced some personal enjoyment or satisfaction for her.

Mike called me later in the afternoon on my birthday, checking on me, on her, and to take his bows for his participation. He said he loved working with her on her ‘project’. He had a blast. He said while he was always fond of her, he learned so much more about her these past two months and that I was so lucky to have her because she’s amazing. He’s right. He also assured me that all secrets were kept. She would suspect nothing from their interactions. He also indicated that in addition to DR. D and his mate, at least four of the social club members offered suggestions. They sincerely wanted to help this novice mistress, and they also wanted to see that someone they consider ‘their submissive property’ be properly treated on his birthday. In other words, they wanted suffering to be part of my bondage because that’s what ‘I would want’. They succeeded in getting their ideas implemented. The Workmate vise holding my balls coated with Icy Hot is a perfect example.

So yes, the team was culpable for a lot of what happened, but it didn’t all originate with them. It turns out the moth and bait play was her idea. She thought it up, she researched it, designed, planned and implemented it with limited input from others. When she told Mike, he thought it would be a hoot and wished he had come up with it. The balloon nipple abuse was hers. Breakfast in her pussy and the menu was hers. Her outfit selections were hers. As were others.

Many of the ideas were a combination of individual thoughts put together. One of the boys had suggest the candle dripping because they are one of the tamer mainstream BDSM pain/pleasure games; and therefore, would be more palatable to her. Another suggestion was to make me eat my cum out of a condom. She was planning the birthday cake, thinking I would eat it after she smeared it onto her pussy. In time these ideas combined and developed into what occurred, the birthday cake with cum and candles.

In my past journals I was required to report my likes and dislikes, so why not do the same thing here. I liked the vise grip bondage. I didn’t like the Icy Hot on my balls. For the record, the height of the window, along with the pushed back position of the Workmate were such that only my upper body and not my naked privates or bondage were visible from the front yard. She set it up and checked it beforehand. I liked the outside bondage. I didn’t like the harsh nipple clamps and the balloons twisting and pulling on them. As an aside, my wife and I have both agreed to dispose of the clamps. I liked having to lick her pussy when bound. In contrast, back in Vegas when I would be force when bound to suck cocks, I disliked the act, but being unable to resist made it a fulfilling release for me. I much prefer having pussy to suck when bound as it is both sexually fulfilling as well as an avenue for stress release. And hers tastes so good.

I did not like the moths. They and their friends before long became irritating and frustrating, and my bondage would not allow any way of stopping it. As I said, they didn’t keep to my dick and balls. They fluttered and crawled up and down my limbs and torso. So much more than annoying and exasperating, giving me the willies at an unimaginable level. And it went on too long. I’ll grant that it was inventive, but I rather not be subject to it again. Ever again. I had told her I was ok, but I had lied because she had seemed excited about this abuse. She would not know how close I got towards the end to calling out my safe words to stop it all.

I liked the paddling. Not sure why, it is just a more satisfying and consistent way of being punished. Plus, the butt cheeks are built to handle it. It’s like justice tempered with mercy. She confirmed in our conversations that she did get a real kick out of paddling me too. She couldn’t explain why either. I guess it was a deep-seated connection to spankings in her early childhood. Maybe for me too.  

 Of course, I loved being wrapped in the shrink wrap. I liked being stimulated by the electroshock most of the time. I liked in general being bound outside. The punishments made the time past, but as indicated the moths and tit torture I could have done without while I was there. I liked her dressed in her dominatrix outfit. Her virgin outfit was an equal turn on. One of the things I initially didn’t mind was the full body shave, a suggestion that originally came from DR. D’s mate. In fact, it was something different, somewhat pleasant and scary too, she was yielding a straight razor around my privates. My dislike for it manifested itself two or three days later when nubs became an ongoing annoyance. Turns out the shave was by far the most long-term physical reminder of my glorious birthday.

I was concerned about how she felt about things she did to me. Turns out there was only one thing that really bothered her badly. The ass to mouth play with the dildo that she used to pegged me. She confessed it grossed her out big time, especially since she knew it was soiled. That bothered her and she thought it was a gay thing. I did ease her mind that there are many more porn videos out there with women doing ass to mouth blow jobs than men on men. Somehow that helped her. She suggested we don’t do that again. I reminded her that when I’m bound and can’t resist, she can do or not do anything she wants to me and I’m ok with that, it’s part of the allure, the fantasy. That clarification seemed to make the whole thing go away. I should note that she had mentioned early on that she had a soiled tampon in the freezer for me. It was never used in our play; I assume for the same “gross’ reason.

She also didn’t like peeing in my mouth. She shared that I had asked her to do it more than once when we had played in the past. She gave in and did it because the team all believed she should and encouraged her. DR. D in their conversation apparently pushed it as one of the basics of dominant/submissive training and was key to my submissive fantasy. I know that this kind of punishment/abuse is one of his things, he’s done it to me, and he wouldn’t want her to miss her chance in being a real dominatrix abusing her sub. She admitted to me afterward that it was not traumatic to her, seemed to excite me, and would maybe do it again if the mood and circumstances were right. It definitely is on my ‘liked list’. Also, not on her favorites list was me licking the toilet bowl and pushing my head in it, she said it was acceptable simply because she had sanitized it before we played (it was planned all along, another one of DR. D’s contributions). That I was licking up and drinking my own urine didn’t seem to bother her. Curious.

Our discussions that night at dinner and a couple of subsequent ones centered a lot on how she feels about what we did. She says she is completely ok with it, while in the past, admittedly, she was not. In fact, she is delighted at how it all worked out. She is thrilled that I got exactly what I wanted for my birthday and then some, which was her goal. Is she now an enthusiast, looking to make bondage a part of our regular sex life, no. She does have a much better understanding of my enjoyment of it. She also gets how it serves as a stress outlet for me. The good thing is that her own stress and apprehensions of it are basically gone. She understands the relationship between the bondage, the sexual use, and the punishment aspects of the play. She did indicate that she did have fun in the different ways I was bound, especially the outside bondage. And when she engaged in delivering punishment, she was at least ok with doing it when previously that was not the case. I was quick to point out the delight she seemingly had in paddling me. She then agreed that serving up punishment in general in any future bondage play will likely not be an issue, especially if she thought her bad boy needed paddling. The dirty dildo being the only exception to her punishment choices, at least for now.

She always loves it when I lick her, or she sucks me, or we have intercourse during normal sex. She said that when I was bound and we did those things she just closed her eyes, ignored the surroundings, and was able to enjoy her arousal as usual. It was clear to me from that; bondage is still not her thing or even an emerging turn on. She did assure me that she doesn’t mind it, she understands my enjoyment of it, wants to do it for me, she can even have fun with it, but it just does not excite her at the same level as me. The good news, she did say there was enough pleasure and gratification in what she did, that I should look forward to more of it.  I understood that she didn’t mean I should expect her to do it every weekend. We were not in negotiations, but she did offer to play ‘my way’ more often than once or twice a year and she would even at times initiate it as a surprise. She even said she wanted me to ‘do her’ on occasion as long as I kept it simple and not tight. She let it slip that she hoped my next birthday could be better than this one but likely to make that happen she’d have to solicit help with the ideas again. Oh wow.

And it was all because she loves me…