Being a Nazi Slave

The following two days I manly spent in my little, gloomy room – it was more like a nun’s cell. One hand, this gave me the chance to process what I had experienced in this place so far. On the other hand, the complete absence of distraction made my head produce images of horror, pain and humiliation that made me panic a couple of times. Had I know what I know now – I would have had one panic attack after the other. Ignorance can be a guardian angel.

Now and again one of the maids came into my confines to provide me with food, warm water for washing myself ect.

Although I was sexually unexperienced apart from a few innocent kisses I had exchanged with a boy from I was having a crush on or some steamy fantasies I started to entertain, I clearly understood that this place was about sex, about abusing inmates like me as sexual slaves, as whores. And of course this idea horrified me to the bone. But the pictures of me getting penetrated by older men, of having to be nice and seductive to men that disgusted me – these pictures were far from I would soon experience.

After the second night in seclusion, the door to my cell opened at an unexpected time in the late afternoon. An older maid – she may have been in her late 20ies – entered my cell. For the first time, one of the women would talk to me “Hello Sararh – I hope you are doing well. My Name is Ruth. Later today you will accompany Lieutenant Colonel for a small party with some of his closest friends. It’s a great honor for you.” While she was speaking, the maid studied my features. She was smiling warmly – but I could not help the feeling, that there was a little painful twitch in the corner of her lips.  “Follow me – I will take you to a bathing room to prepare you for the party.”

As I followed her through a long hallway, I swallowed to gather my courage “Ruth – will I be used for sex by those Men at the party tonight? Will I be like a whore for them together with other girls like me? Ruth hesitated for a moment – you could tell she was trying to formulate the reply with care “No, it will not be like that. Actually, you are the reason for this party- you are the special guest.” Of course, I tried to learn more – now even more so – but the maid refused to tell me more, since it was to be a surprise for me. I was excited and afraid – excited because there would be a party and because I was the special guest – afraid because this was still a concentration camp – an institution to enslave and kill Jews like me, afraid because I had not forgotten the poor girl in the yard.

Ruth took care of me lovingly, she cleaned my body with soft sponges, washed, dried and combed my long blond hair which she tied into a pony tail. After shaving my body hair, I was clad in almost the same, semi-transparent gown like before – only that it was slightly pink. Of course I asked Ruth about underwear – but she just replied that inmates are not allowed to wear underwear if not ordered to do so. She lifted the skirt of her uniform to show me she didn’t wear anything underneath – but what caught me eyes even more than to see Ruth’s cleanly shaven vagina were 2 other things: Two thick golden rings there were pierced through her labia and welts across her thighs and labia, shining in a wet red color, indicating that they were fresh. Realizing the shock the sight caused my, she quickly covered her sex again. “Did you get whipped?” I asked in a very low voice – I never received  any corporal punishment – my parents did not believe on violence as a means of education.

“Yes, I did.”

“Did you disobey, or did you do anything wrong?”

“No, not really.”

“But why would you get whipped then,”

“Sarah, I think you ask too much.”

“Please tell me.”

“Ok – sometimes they just like to see other people suffer. One of the Master’s guests requested to hurt me. He wanted to see me cry. That’s just what excites him.”

Ruth was right, I thought, I didn’t really want to hear that – it just frightened me more. What kind of people are they? Who would like to seem another human being to cry for pain? Just to get aroused?

“Don’t be afraid – it won’t help you and maybe you’re lucky and you will never have to experience things like that.” She tried to comfort me while she fitted a thin leather collar to my neck – I knew better than to ask. “Just in time – Master expects you in a few minutes in his study – he wants to tell you a few things, before he takes you to the party, most of the guests will have arrived by now, I guess.