What Became of Me

I barely had calmed down and was still breathing heavily when Petra asked in the friendliest tone: “Where do you keep your sex toys?”

I had been wrong. It was possible to get more intrusive and shatter the last bit of my privacy. I got up, went into my bedroom, opened the closet, and nodded toward the box on the bottom shelf.

“That’s a big box,” Petra commented with a smile. “I can’t say that surprises me coming from you.”

She carried the box into the other room, set it on my coffee table, and opened the lid.

“Shoo! Shoo! Back to your spot! Watch the other thing.”

I sat back down at my desk and looked at the small display. Julia was barely moving. Why should she? Meanwhile, Petra was unpacking the box behind me and inspecting the contents.

“Aha, well-packed, well-organized. It’s obvious where your priorities lie. Very good. What do we have here? Gags. Quite a few gags. A ball gag, a ring gag with a harness, another ball gag with holes in the ball, yet another ball gag – that one’s pretty big! – one last ball gag with a harness, and a penis gag.”

I kept staring at the cell phone screen, even though nothing was actually happening, and wondered whether watching this or the brazen violation of my privacy aroused me more. I could have put an end to the whole thing with a single word – “pause”. But I didn’t. Once again, I had the suspicion that what was actually the wrong way to start a D/s relationship was exactly the right way for me.

“Dildos. Nice. This one I would call “regular size”. Another one with more girth. A long flexible one. That’s good for deepthroat training. Another dildo with suction pad. Very good. And – wow! – one with a tube and a syringe attached to make the dildo “cum”. A vibrator, and what’s that? A vibrator that’s strapped to the clit? I’m learning new things here.”

I would have liked to explain that the butterfly vibrator Petra had just discovered was one of my favourite toys. It had a remote control and allowed me to edge while lightly restrained,  with my hands cuffed behind my back. That was the highest degree of helplessness I could achieve on my own.

“Interesting. Anal plugs. Two sets in different sizes. One made of metal, one made of latex. What do we have here? An anal hook! Still in its original packaging. That’s sad. Oh, and here’s more from the “bondage” section. Lockable “leather” cuffs for wrists and ankles. Poor quality. Probably plastic, judging by the smell. A collar made of the same material. Soft cotton ropes in various lengths and thicknesses. Reasonable choices. Enough rope for simple restraints. Zip ties. Not recommended for self-bondage. A blindfold. Two hoods made of thin fabric.”

Her matter-of-fact comments didn’t let me forget that Petra was laying bare my innermost sexual life – inclinations I might have preferred to keep to myself, at least for now. I wondered what she thought of the dildos, especially the one that could squirt artificial semen. I was bisexual, but she was lesbian. Reviewing my porn collection folder would surely reveal kinks she might find disgusting: facials, bukkake, cum-swallowing, blowjobs and skullfucking.

But there was no longer any way to keep these things hidden. Petra would get to know the real me. That was actually a good thing. My unease stemmed from the fear of losing this opportunity, which seemed so within reach, if Petra decided we weren’t compatible.

“What else is here? A labia spreader. Those are cool. A Wartenberg wheel. A heretic’s fork. Damn! That’s a true torture instrument. This one has abraded tips though. Probably still very unpleasant and painful. Medical needles of different lengths and diameters. Nipple suckers. Oh, and nipple clamps. Lots of nipple clamps. Several sets of Chinese nipple clamps, some single, some connected by chain. A set with little bells. Cute. Two sets with adjustable strength. There’s more, but I think I’ve seen enough. You apparently aren’t lying when you call yourself a heavy masochist.”

“Why would I lie about that?” I thought. But then I remembered that I was relieved to confirm that Petra was a real sadist.

“It’s time to use some of the beautiful things, isn’t it?”, Petra asked, holding a few ropes in her hand. Of course, that was just a rhetorical question.