What Became of Me

“All right then. Your training starts straight away.”

Perhaps something important is being lost in translation here. The word Petra used, which I have rendered here as “training”, was “Abrichtung” in German. In my view, there is no good equivalent for “Abrichtung” in English that captures the same connotations.

Unlike education or training that develops competence and autonomy, “Abrichtung” is concerned solely with the consistent execution of desired responses. The word “Abrichtung” denotes the systematic conditioning of an individual to produce reliable, compliant behaviour without requiring understanding, independent judgment, or personal agency. The term originates in animal training and retains the implication that the subject is treated as an object to be conditioned rather than a person to be developed.

Words are important to me, and it sent a shiver down my spine that Petra chose her words so carefully and used that particular word.

“First things first. Now listen carefully, whore!”

I made a mental note. When I’m allowed to speak again, I should tell Petra that addressing me with a derogatory word certainly doesn’t help me listen any better. In fact, quite the opposite. But I tried my best.

“You need a safeword. Even if, in your “ideal slave contract”, you seem to think you shouldn’t have one. It’s an exciting fantasy, but in reality it’s rather daft.”

It wasn’t as though Petra had asked for my opinion, but I gave a slight nod.

“The safeword is “Pause”. I’ll talk later about the communication I expect from you whilst you’re here and whilst we’re apart. For now, just remember that “Pause” is the only human word I want to hear you say when we are together in person.”

I corrected my mental note. No explanations were needed. My opinion was simply irrelevant. But “Pause” was still a great choice. It allows to stay in subspace and reduces the reluctance to use the safe word in the first place. Other safe words I’ve encountered like “red” or “stop” felt psychologically more difficult because it felt more like “failing” the scene.

“If you say “Pause”, I’ll stop everything immediately, untie you if you’re tied up, give you your clothes and send you home for the day. This is expressly not a punishment for using the safe word, nor is it an expression of disappointment. It’s simply the necessary break. I don’t know about you, but in the heat of the moment, good communication is difficult. I have to admit, I don’t handle it well when I’m excited and horny. Time sorts out some problems on its own. I want a long-term relationship. Years. A break of a few hours doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

Whilst part of me could well understand Petra’s point of view, I did wonder whether this approach might create inhibitions about using the safe word. Sometimes you just need a moment to catch your breath.

“Don’t be silly, don’t try to be a hero or the “perfect submissive”. Use the safe word if you feel you need to. Better sooner than late. Especially during the training phase.”

There it was again, that word for training that made my pussy twitch. Petra smiled.

“I’ll force you to use the safe word, just to make sure you don’t feel ashamed. My perfect bondage toy knows that the safe word is an important, necessary form of feedback. Especially as you won’t speak otherwise. All right?

Once again, I just nodded slightly. Apparently, that was all that was expected of me.