An Account of My Crimes (Part 1 of 2)

As a part of my guilty plea I have been asked to attest to my crimes. I apologize to Natalie and Camille’s parents who are sitting in the courtroom today. Your daughters did not deserve what happened to them.

On the day in question I called in to work sick, planning to spend the day viewing pornography and masturbating. However I left the house at the time I usually do… or did… in order to purchase breakfast. When I returned, I found my daughter Zoey in my room. She was naked, sitting at my computer, watching pornography and masturbating.

[A momentary pause]

Zoey would have been a sophomore this year.

[Another pause]

I yelled at her and pulled her away. It’s obviously disturbing to see your offspring doing what she was doing. But also, the pornography I had on my computer and in my browser tabs consisted mostly in hardcore rape, torture and simulated snuff videos. This added a great deal of urgency for my immediate, total need to remove her from the room.

As I was pulling her away I saw that she had attached to her nipples two of my nipple clamps, and I could see on her legs a pattern indicating she had been hitting herself with a cane. As I threw her into her room and onto her bed I saw that she had inserted a plug into her rectum.

Instinctively I removed the clamps while pushing her onto her bed. In my rush I did not think of the fact that removing clamps quickly can be even more painful than the process of wearing them. Zelda screamed loudly and rolled over onto her stomach trying to comfort her nipples. I now took off my belt and began to beat her.

I don’t know how many times I hit her before I saw that she had moved her hand into place to masturbate during my beating. This was while she was simultaneously begging me with all her might to stop hitting her.

I increased the severity of the beating, my thought, such as it was, being that this would discourage her from masturbating while I beat her. But it didn’t, and again, I don’t know how many times I hit her after that but I know that the bruises I was administering to her would have been severe enough to require medical attention.

Nevertheless, she had an orgasm while I was beating her.

When I saw the signs of this, legs going rigid, back arching, I dropped my belt in shock.

She still had the plug in her butt and I thought that may have been the source of her stimulation. I should have already removed it but in the heat of the moment it didn’t occur to me. I now did remove the plug, and in its place I started pressing my penis into the hole where the plug had been. I said “Do you think you’re a big college girl now who can take a man’s dick up your ass?” She yelled things like “No,” and “I’m sorry daddy.” And I pressed my dick into her ass.

It was very difficult as I did not apply lubrication, so the pain this probably caused her was, I am sure, immense. She did unceasingly yell for me to stop.

I kept going, eventually penetrating her fully, saying, “This is what it feels like, little girl” and things like that. I remember noticing she was biting her arm to distract from the pain, and she was crying the hardest I’ve ever seen someone cry.

But her hand did go to her pussy again. While I raped her, while she wept, she masturbated. And after a while, she had another orgasm. Her anal opening had already been almost uncomfortably tight for me as I fucked it, and when her muscles spasmed during her orgasm, it actually hurt me a little bit. But I admit the thought of what was happening in the moment caused that pain to feel like a kind of pleasure to me and I continued raping her until I also had an orgasm.

I fell down next to her on her bed while she continued crying and I said, “Do you see what happens? Do you promise never to go into Daddy’s room again?”

I had never touched her in that way, much less fucked much less raped, her ass. But in the moment, it was ridiculous but I was trying to play it off like "discipline."

She was crying and sniffling still but maintained eye contact with me as I asked the question. The look on her face was determined and resigned. She shot straight, answering me quietly: “No, I probably will go in your room again.”

She wasn’t defiant, she was just telling me a thing that was true. I hadn’t expected this answer at all.

So, realizing she still needed to be punished, I pushed her onto her back, making her cry louder out of fear than she had been during our conversation. I started beating the fronts of her legs with my belt but she moved to block with her shins and her hands. So I told her to remain in place while I retrieved several strands of rope from my basement. These were ropes I used when I had lady visitors in my house interested in bondage.

She did remain in place. When she saw the ropes in my hands she looked very distressed. She did struggle, and I had to put my full weight on her to hold her down to tie her limbs to her bedposts.

Now I beat her legs, tummy and chest for a very long time. Once I believed the beating had been at least as severe as the one I had given her on her butt and the backs of her legs, I paused, and placed my belt buckle on her vagina. I said “Do you think you’re a big girl who can take a man’s dick in your pussy?” She screamed “no” and I began beating her vagina with my belt buckle.

I said “We better be sure” after I had hit it several times, and I got onto the bed with her and placed my dick against her labia.

I had thought she was screaming as loud as she could already, but it seemed like she doubled her volume at this point. I’m telling this to communicate to you how much suffering I caused by my actions. She sounded, I guess, almost like an animal, a small monkey about to be eaten by a lion.

Even though I had just had an orgasm, the feeling of her vagina as I pushed inside her caused me to be able to have another orgasm, and I began to work on that. After a while she stopped struggling and screaming, and just whimpered each time I thrust.

And then she said, in a voice I could barely hear or understand, “Untie one hand.”

I paused and asked her what she said and she said it again. “Please daddy, just one hand.”

I was at a decision point. It wouldn’t make sense to let her do what I knew she wanted to do, if I was to continue punishing her. I understood in the moment what it meant if I untied her hand.

I did untie her hand. She masturbated herself to orgasm while continuing to cry in pain and I believe genuine despair from my continued raping of her vagina. She came… had an orgasm… before I did, and once again the clamping of her muscles caused excitement in me and I had an orgasm inside her soon afterwards.

I then untied all of her limbs, and exhausted, fell on the bed laying next to her.

She was still crying, holding eye contact with me as we lay there next to each other. To my surprise, she scooted closer and buried her face in my chest, and I held her for a while as she continued crying and then began to calm down.

After a while she looked up at me. She sniffled, and had tears still leaking from her eyes. But she smiled and said, “You raped me.”

I was horrified, which I know is a strange reaction given what had transpired, but she then said again, and she was still sniffling yet grinning, "You actually raped me!" Then she said things like “It’s okay, I wondered what it would be like. I’m glad it happened.” We just lay there for several minutes more and then out of nowhere she said, “We have three days.”

I had to ask her what she meant. She was talking about the fact that my other daughter, Harper, was not going to be back home until after her college classes the next Monday, as she was staying with a friend. It was then currently about noon on Friday. Zelda was suggesting we could continue engaging in… I’ll say “activities” for an entire weekend.

I said we could not. I didn’t want to further traumatize her with my worries that I was going to now go to prison forever, or that I had destroyed her life, but these were on the top of my mind.

She kept it up. She said things like “It’s okay Daddy, you can do anything you want to me,” and “I won’t have any safewords.”

At that time I stayed steadfast, and we spent a lot of Friday afternoon just being quiet around the house. Neither of us did put on any clothes.

I was watching TV trying to numb myself when she came up from behind me, climbed on my lap and started rubbing her vagina against my penis. I pushed her away gently and told her “no,” and she kind of laughed and said “I know, I had to try.”

Then she pointed out that I had… penetrated… her butt and her vagina, but not her mouth. I wanted to not react to this but my penis immediately responded to the mental image this planted in my mind, and she grabbed it and started stroking me. When I tried to move away she would engage in as intense a grip as she could with both of her hands. The grip was strong enough that if I really tried to push her away, it would possibly injure  me and certainly hurt a great deal. So I let her continue to play with my penis. I tried to will it to become soft but of course that was hopeless. The feeling of her hands on my penis and… what she looked like, young, pretty, bruised, smiling, sort of molesting me if that makes sense… well like I said. It was hopeless.

And after quite some time, I felt ready to just get it over with, and began making motions to prepare to have an orgasm, I guess on her hand, when she suddenly stopped. She told me to wait and she walked back into the hallway. I did just wait.

She came back with a gun.

I leapt out of my chair. “What are you doing with that?” I had no idea where this was going. We had always been a safety focused household when it came to guns. How she was even able to gain access to the safe is to this day a complete mystery to me.

She had kind of a strange sad look on her face in response to my reaction. She said “Daddy it’s okay, just keep sitting down.”

I did sit but I said “You need to give me the firearm right now sweetie, you know it’s not a toy.”

She knelt in front of me and held the gun with her finger not on the trigger. She placed it with its muzzle aimed directly at her temple. I was afraid to snatch it away because of worries about a misfire, so I just said something dumb like “Please be careful with that.”

She looked at my penis, which was soft, and while looking at it she said, “Hold the gun to my head Daddy.”

I refused. She asked me "please."

I was shaking. I said "Is it loaded?

She said, “Yes, it’s loaded. Hold it to my head. Put your finger on the trigger. But don’t shoot me. Just hold it there while I suck you off.”

She then put the gun on my leg, and leaned in and started licking my penis.

I took the gun in hand to get it away from her, and simultaneously grabbed her hair to push her away violently but as her face raised up to me while I was pulling her hair she looked at me, turned her eyes to look at the gun then looked at me again, and said “Please Daddy just once.” 

Your Honor, I cannot think of a way to put this other than, with that look and that plea, she had just turned adorable.

“Do you know how dangerous this is?” I asked her and she started crying a little. “Yes,” she said.

“Do you… do you want to die?”

“No!” She cried again. “It’s just going to be so hot though.” It was very confusing to me that she was saying these kinds of words while also crying. I suppose it was just the intensity of emotion she was feeling, but I will never be sure.

What I do know is that even though she was crying the whole time, when I did eventually point it at her head, placing my finger in the inside the trigger guard, she immediately, with no hesitation whatsoever, began kissing and licking my penis again, and at the same time, reached down to masturbate.

I kept my finger within the trigger guard but kept it pushed as far away from the trigger as possible within that guard throughout this process. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

As she continued to masturbate, this seemed to cause the way she… for lack of better phrasing, with apologies to the court… it seemed to cause her to use her mouth both more enthusiastically and skillfully. I finally started to become erect, and she took a moment then and grinned at me between sniffles. I tried to keep my face neutral. She then pressed her head against the gun, and made motions almost like a cat affectionately rubbing a friend with its head. Then she continued using her mouth on my penis. She was inexperienced I believe, and could not take much of me into her mouth. But just what I was seeing, and the movements of her hands and tongue and lips, brought me to a point where I was ready to have an orgasm in her mouth.

At that point I heard my front door open.

It was directly behind me. I heard my older daughter Harper walking in chattering with two of her friends. She wasn’t supposed to be home for three days. I froze. I would say thank god I didn’t accidentally shoot Zelda then and there but that would seem inappropriate on this occasion.

Zelda jumped up. The girls in their chatter and putting their backpacks down near an opposite wall didn’t notice her until they had all come in and the door was closed. When they turned and saw Zelda naked in front of the chair I was sitting in, I heard sounds of shock and laughter, I do not know which girl emitted which sound.

Then one of Harper’s friends shouted. “Oh my god who is sitting there?” I think she must have seen my leg from her angle of view.

I rose up to a crouch trying to hide my genitals, and turned to try to explain. I have no idea what I could possibly have said. But it doesn’t matter. As I turned I had the gun in my hand still, and the three girls all simultaneously screamed loud enough to rattle my ears.

I looked down dumbly at my gun as Harper yelled “What the fuck Dad?” and one of her friends started to move towards the door.

I didn’t realize it had happened until it had happened, but now Zelda had the gun, and she was pointing it at the girls.

I had trained both girls in the basics of how to hold a gun and so on. Still, in this situation, given her exhaustion and fear and weakness from prior exertions, the gun was shaking a lot. But that didn’t reduce the scare factor.

Zoey said, “Stop moving Natalie.” And Natalie, the girl who had been moving towards the door stopped, and raised her hands, and moved back to her friends, holding back sobs while Harper and her other friend Camille verbalized a lot of things along the lines of “oh my god” and “what the fuck” and “is this real?”

I made a motion to take the gun from Zoey but she jerked it away momentarily before returning its “aim” to the three girls. “We can’t let them go yet. We can’t let them tell.”

Harper’s friends said over and over again “We won’t tell we won’t tell we won’t tell.” Harper was just shaking her head.

“Zoey we can’t… you can’t shoot them, please tell me you understand that.”

Zoey said, “We just need to think.” She paused for a long moment, then said, “Okay, get those ropes from before.”

All three girls babbled incoherently, with Harper throwing in the occasional more coherent “Daddy what is happening” and “Zoey what the fuck.”

Zoey yelled “Shut up!” The girls did so. “Just be still and be quiet. You’re gonna be okay. We just have to figure out what to do. Move away from the door.”

She twitched the gun like they do in the movies. You know how intrusive thoughts can be. I had to stifle a laugh.

But the girls did do as she said, and then she stood in front of the door keeping the gun aimed at them. Zoey’s always been a smart girl. Too smart I guess.

[Momentary Pause]

So she told me again to get the ropes and I did. Because it seemed like she was right. We couldn’t let them go, not yet. And we needed time to think. And it would be easier if they just couldn’t move.

While I individual tied each girl’s hands behind her back, they cried like we’d sentenced them to die. No such thought had crossed into my head whatsoever. I hesitated as I was finishing up Harper’s tie. My daughter, quaking and terrified and confused, needed help. She didn't need her dad tying her up and a sister pointing a gun at her. I put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her and she immediately jerked away, not trying to communicate anything, it was just raw fear. I decided the best thing for her was to not be complicated. I just tied her up, and we proceeded.

We took each girl to a separate room so they couldn’t talk to each other. Natalie we put in Zoey’s room. I was just going to tie her to the bedframe by her hands but Zoey, well, like I said. Zoey was smart. She said it was going to be too easy for Natalie to break the bedframe if she tried could tug with all her muscles on just one spot like that. So that’s why we had Natalie lay on her back on Zoey’s bed, and tied all her limbs to it, stretched out very tightly to make it hard for her to get any leverage at all to try to pull the bedframe’s parts away from each other.

We did the same to Camille, putting her in Harper’s room. And Harper herself, we tied in the same way to my own bed.

They were by turns screaming and crying and shouting for help even though they knew how far away from everything we were. But it was loud, so we also gagged all three of them.

We left them there and went back to the living room, just to gather our wits. Sitting there I asked Zelda what her plan was. I know that sounds silly, I was the authority figure in the room, but I felt completely lost. And Zelda did too, she just stared at me and said “Daddy I don’t fucking know.”

After several minutes of just sitting there silently not thinking or looking really at anything, I saw Zelda get on her hands and knees and crawl over to me. What I feared she might do, she did. She smiled up at me and said, “We have time.”

I said something like “Seriously?”

And she said “It doesn’t matter we can figure it out later” and placed the gun, still in my hand, against her head again. She then stroked and licked my penis, which was completely soft.

I gave in and let her do what she wanted. It felt alien at first even though we’d been doing it less than an hour before. After tying the other girls up it had felt like reality was sinking in. But of course, it didn’t take that long to get back into the groove I guess.

After I had an orgasm in her mouth and she was finished choking and laughing, I know this sounds crazy, but we just sat next to each other on that big chair naked and took a nap. We needed it. We were exhausted.

When I woke up, Zoey wasn’t in the chair anymore and I could hear one of the girls yelling through her gag. I got up and ran in there, and it wasn’t the gag that the girl (Natalie) was yelling through. The gag wasn’t even on her anymore.

Zoey, still naked, was sitting on her face.