The Interview

Chapter 18

“That was very kind of you,” my host told me as we returned to her small front room from the kitchen.  “Quite unnecessary but very kind. Do you mind if I close the window? The wind seems to be getting up a bit, and sometimes you can feel an awful draft in here even when it’s not open. Anyway, no point in lighting the fire if I’m going to lose all the heat?”

I shook my head. “Not at all, and drying a couple of mugs and plates was hardly a back-breaking task. That was a gorgeous tea towel, by the way.”

She waved me back to my allocated chair as she sank into hers. “Yes, Windsor Castle, one of a set I’ve had for years. British castles. I’ve thrown a few away over the years, but Warwick, Carnarvon and Edinburgh are also still going strong. The Tower of London was my favourite, but that got rather threadbare through drying too many dishes over the years.” She shook her head. “Anyway, you have not come all this way to discuss washing and drying my crockery, have you?”

I shook my head again and grinned at her. “Nope, but ‘all this way’ is stretching things a little. A relatively short hop over the channel is hardly an arduous journey. Well, not too arduous anyway,” I amended, considering that particular airline and the fact that you faced the same hassle at the airport regardless of your flight duration.

“Ah, but it’s still over water”, she wagged a finger at me. “I’m old fashioned and was brought up in an impoverished Northern environment where anything that involved that sort of thing was considered highly exotic and a major adventure. Pre the package holiday or the early days of that era!” She paused and then chuckled. “Mind you; my father regarded travelling down to London by train as going foreign, let alone travelling overseas! Now, shall we continue? What do you want to talk about, or rather me to talk about?”

I smiled at her and took a few moments to compose my thoughts. I’d made a mental list a little earlier, hadn’t I? Blooper, Betty, Gunner, Jimmy, Maria and Chloé, plus a few others, and there were still a few things left from the previous evening wasn’t there? That bit about Australia and the other place she’d mentioned.  Where to start?

“Well?” she looked at me expectantly.

I nodded at her and pursed my lips thoughtfully. “Well, I’ve met Blooper” More than met, I thought, thinking back to how I’d run my hands over his helpless, passive body. “And young Chloé, although I’d like to learn a little more about her before I leave. You told me about Betty. What about Gunner? You said he was very new, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yes. Almost brand new. Patty and Betty picked him up in Germany when they returned from a livestock sale along with old Baguette…”

“Baguette!” I interrupted

“Hush yourself”, she wagged an admonishing finger at me. “Baguette, he’s a real four-legged equine and getting on now. He is at least twenty and spends most of his time in the stable or grazing in the paddock. Patty sometimes puts a saddle on him and takes him for an outing but not all that often”.

“So, you have real horses here as well?”

“Uh-huh,” she shook her head. “No, I never went in for them, and Patty only bought this old boy recently. What with all these immigrants everywhere these days? Asylum seekers and people traffickers, crossing borders has become somewhat more fraught. We don’t run to a private jet, plus that involves various additional expensive complications, so Patty bought a new horse box and had it modified. There are three hidden compartments at the front for human livestock suitably restrained and packaged, plus ample room for Baguette in the main bit.” She paused and laughed. “The poor animal has a bowel problem and contributes more than most to the stable atmosphere and the morning mucking out workload. A big advantage after a few hours in the box when you get to a border crossing” she winked and pulled a face while nipping her nose between two fingers.

“Officialdom rapidly losing interest?” I surmised.

“Interest and enthusiasm even among the most zealous”, she laughed. “A couple of sniffs, and it’s time to put the ramp back up and be waved through. Anyway, they’d gone there with no great hopes of making a purchase. Only one lot catalogued was of interest, and she went for way more than Patty was prepared to spend. It was more of a social trip to catch up with old friends and acquaintances, but sometimes they have extra entries too late to be circulated. Sadly not this time. It was a bum trip, so to speak, until they spotted Gunner on the return, simply begging to be captured and stabled”.

I raised an enquiring eyebrow, making her laugh aloud.

“Well, not quite. They spotted him standing by the road in the rain with his thumb out and looking somewhat woebegone. So naturally, they stopped”

“Naturally, what else?” I interrupted, perhaps a touch sarcastically raising my eyebrows once more.

“Stop it”, she admonished. “Of course, they stopped. Picking up foolish lone hitchhikers in the middle of nowhere has long been an established means of adding to the global stick level. Not something I’ve ever done personally because I’m not built for it should things become difficult, say!

I nodded and grinned, looking at her slight very light-weight frame. “I can understand that”.

“Yes, well Patty, while no Amazon is somewhat more sturdily built than I am and Betty considerably more so, wouldn’t you agree” She waved her hand. “No, no need to reply. They aren’t exactly Russian lady shot-putters, but they can take care of themselves if such a situation turns nasty. That’s my point!”

I smiled at her. Patty certainly wasn’t one of those muscle-bound steroid-built specimens so beloved of the Soviet-era Olympic teams. Betty neither comes to that, even though she’s a big lass. Still, Gunner had seemed a pretty hefty specimen of the male species, hadn’t he?

“Anyway, lonely road, wet, nothing in sight. Betty knew what Patty was thinking even as the girl slowed down. A few seemingly innocent questions and twenty minutes later, old Baguette had some company for the remainder of the journey albeit trussed up, gagged and occupying one of the those hidden compartments I mentioned.”

I blinked. “Just like that”. Which made her laugh. 

“No, not quite, but it seems they were very smooth about it. Betty vacated the front passenger seat and told him to get in there because he’d benefit more from the heater. Poor Gunner was doomed from that moment on. One look at him and then another between the ladies settled that. They wouldn’t be going home empty-handed after all!” 

“So, who was he?

She raised a finger to her lips. “Shush yourself. Stop being so impatient, honestly! I’m coming to that bit so hold your blooming horses,” she chuckled. “A somewhat appropriate expression, perhaps? Anyway, by the time they’d gone a few more miles and got him talking, Patty looked into the rearview mirror, caught Betty’s eye, and exchanged a nod of agreement. Of course, Gunner was one of Betty’s fellow countrymen, not that made the slightest difference to her. Why should it? When opportunity unexpectedly comes a knocking at your door, you open it, don’t you, rather than ignore it?”

I nodded yet again and was about to agree but decided silence might be the better option.

“He was in the army, a sergeant in the US military based in England. Artillery branch hence the name they gave him. During the cold war, the big one, I mean not the one since that cretin went crazy over Ukraine. There used to be a whole heap of military bases in Germany, mainly British and American and all gone now or mostly gone. Apparently, there are still some gear stockpiles, and he’d been over on his lonesome checking a few places out. The silly bugger had himself a few too many German beers on his final night, and they brew potent stuff and consequently missed his flight back. A civilian flight, British airways, I think they said, and so would have to pay for a new ticket himself.”

“Sounds a touch mean”, I noted. “I always thought the US military was rolling in cash compared to the rest of the world!”

“She shrugged. “Apparently not. Besides, the military, regardless of the country, are a government agency, aren’t they? I’ll wager that they are as tight with their money as any other and not likely to cough up because you had too many beers!”

“Okay, I suppose so”, I conceded the point. “Didn’t they miss him?”

She shrugged. “Almost certainly they did but not for a few days. Silly fool told the girls he’d got a week's leave; no, what's the word they use for holiday, vacation isn’t it?”

“Either that or furlough”, I offered and added, “Told who?”

“Patty and Betty, of course, who’d you think? The silly idiot had decided that as he was there, he might as well see a bit of the country, so he decided to hitch to one of the French Ferry ports, idiot!”

“I don’t suppose he envisaged that he might end up like…” I nodded towards the window. I mean, who would I thought to myself? “So, how did they grab him?”

That caused another slight upward twitch of her eyebrows. “Grab! That sounds relatively coarse. They didn’t jump on him and wrestle him into submission if that's what you're imagining! 

I grinned at her. “First word that came into my head. He’s a big guy and works out by the look of him, so I’d assume they didn’t pounce on him and knock the poor chap unconscious or something similar?”

“Well, correct about the unconscious bit” She laughed and nodded. “Patty keeps a little concoction readily to hand in a seemingly innocent plastic bottle of interior windscreen cleaner. Betty got out and offered her front passenger seat to the cold dripping figure telling him that the heater was better in front. They chatted, a bit too much too soon on his part; a quick shared nod between the girls via the rearview mirror and Patty found a suitable quiet place to pull in and” she broke off abruptly, looking towards the window.

I did likewise but could see and hear nothing, so I turned back to see her shaking her head from side to side.

“Old age,” she said ruefully. “I was sure I could hear that carriage of young Chloe`s approaching again, but evidently not. You either fail to hear things entirely or start hearing things that aren’t there, pah!” she nodded towards the window and frowned. “Where was I?”

“Going off track,” I grinned and hastily added, “I mean, Patty and Betty were doing that somewhere quiet”.

“Hmm, yes. Well, Gunner isn’t the first animal Patty has acquired that way. The poor pony never suspected anything when she told him ‘toilet break in the bushes and even laughed about it, so Patty said even as she rummaged for her bottle and a cloth. All Betty had to do was lean forward and pin him to his seat with her strong arms, and even as he started to react, Patty had an impregnated cloth over his face”.

“Just like that?”

She nodded. “Yep, just like that. Serendipity in action! Ten minutes later, he was gagged, strapped and occupying one of those empty upright compartments in the horse box. Ann hour later, they crossed into France. One less human in the wild and one more valuable two-legged equine in captivity!”

“Just like that”, I repeated only a bit more thoughtfully than before. “Then what?”

She waved a hand at me. “Oh, never mind that now. Something for another day, but I can assure you they didn’t wake him up with a cup of tea and breakfast in bed!  Who knows, maybe Patty will even give you a tour of the stable if…oh, are you going to stay on for a few more days? You’re very welcome to, you know. Why don’t you cancel your ticket? I doubt they’ll let you change it to a new date at short notice, but you can always try it. Not that they charge much anyway, and they’re rarely ever full!  Have you got their number? You’ll have to go outside, I expect. The landline is fine, but the signal strength down here is very erratic; at least inside, here it is.” She paused, looking around. “I could give you the password for the internet. I wrote it on a slip of paper and put it somewhere safe”.

I thought about it, and I didn’t, if you know what I mean. It was one of those situations where you’ve more or less already made up your mind, and I had done so ever since she’d first mentioned that I might like to extend my visit. Her comment about the stable clinched it, making me nod and reach for my cell phone.

“No worry, I’ll pop outside and give it a go and thank you.”

*****

“All right?” she asked as I closed the front door behind me and resumed my seat, noting a fresh steaming mug of coffee in front of me and a plate of biscuits.

“You’re spoiling me again. Yes, you were right about the variable signal. I had to go part way back to the house before I could log on and cancel it. Then I lost the connection. I won’t worry about booking another flight; if necessary, I can always get a train to Paris and then fly from there or get the Eurostar train. No big deal” I shrugged, reaching for the mug when another thought occurred to me. “Valuable?”

“Pardon?”

“You were talking about Gunner and said something about one less in the wild and one more valuable animal in captivity?”

She looked a bit puzzled and then laughed. “Oh, yes. Well, you can’t put a price on human life, can you? But we can on a captive equine, then again,” she paused and frowned. “No, I suppose that’s not true, for I’ve seen many sold who were not destined for the stables. Silly of me to say that on reflection. Anyway, you know what I mean!”

I was about to ask another question, but she forestalled it with a wagging finger. No, I know what you’re about to say or ask but better we drop the subject. I’ve told you how Patty acquired Gunner, and I don’t think I’d be wise elaborating on the subject of acquisitions!” she smiled at me and pulled the same finger over her lips in a zip-closing move.

“Like Jimmy”, I surmised. ” What about him? 

She shook her head. “Not at all, a completely different situation to that animal Betty is breaking in! I told you about him earlier. 

“Different?” I queried. “I noticed that long chain he was dragging around, nor was his outfit what one might call standard male attire, and even the least discerning person could sense he wasn’t overly enthusiastic about either. I’m curious as to his full story. I know you’ve already told me a bit about him but care to elaborate? Did he walk into the spider queen’s web willingly?”

That made her laugh. “Spider Queen! Well, I suppose that sort of fits, although Patty hasn’t killed and eaten him yet, so hardly a…what that one in the US called, it’s not that big, not one of those horrible hairy-legged things?”

“Black Widow”

She clapped her hands together like a small, excited child.” That’s it, that’s the one. Mind you; I expect there have been times when the poor boy wished she would have done that. You saw his bottom?”

I nodded. I had indeed seen the state of Jimmy’s bottom, and given that he wasn’t that old, someone had clearly been very savage in a relatively short space of time. I didn’t need three guesses to know who was responsible for all the scars and similar damage.

“Patty refers to it as her love pats. Proofs of affection! “No, don’t look at me like that. That’s what she calls it, honest!  Inviting Jimmy upstairs to the bedroom for another little session of love pats when she feels he’s been naughty enough to deserve one” She paused and chucked. “Mind you, it takes next to nothing for her to decide he’s been a naughty boy!” she chuckled again. “Poor Jimmy, sometimes I borrow him for an afternoon to clean the cottage. Maria walks him down, helping carry his chain. That’s what those big eye bolts are for, by the way.  Not so much because this place gets so dirty or I’ve made a mess, but to give the poor lad a little break from Patty and Maria. I’m way too soft-hearted!”.

I thought back to Gunner and Chloe’s charges and who was responsible for all the suffering that obviously went on around here, and the look I threw at her made her laugh. Someone else to ask about, I thought and did. “Maria?”

“Who, oh yes, Maria, silly me! I ought to have introduced you to her earlier. Never mind, I can do it this evening but don’t expect too much. Lovely girl but rather on the shy and retiring side until she gets to know people. Always a little uncomfortable with visitors at first”.

“She seemed okay at breakfast?”

She waved her hand in a vague gesture and said casually. “Oh, the girl was in and out, barely noticed you; I expect having eyes only for her rebellious brother”.

“Brother”, I exclaimed. “Jimmy’s her brother?”

I knew from the expression on her face and then the sly smile that she’d deliberately held that titbit back until she could flick her baited hook across the pond and catch me at the first bite. She’d succeeded as well!

“Oh yes, well, to be strictly accurate, stepbrother. Jimmy’s mother was divorced and married again when Jimmy was fourteen. Maria’s a couple of years younger, but she resented him from the start and, despite being the younger, bullied him every day once she discovered he was reluctant to offer up much resistance. Not that she got much chance as she attended a prestigious Swiss boarding school and then spent many holidays with friends in various countries. That’s how Patty met her, one of those friend-of-friend situations and they discovered by accident they had a mutual interest.”

“Jimmy?”

“Correct”, she winked. “Well, Patty and Maria hit it off immediately, and as I said before, my niece has that unique ability to gauge other people. Maria was running a small restaurant in Geneva with her girlfriend or rather ex-girlfriend, the relationship having turned somewhat sour. Her arrival here was a classic duck-to-water situation. The girl didn’t so much as bat an eyelid when she saw Jimmy or the stable occupants, so Patty told me. Well…”

“Long story short!” I interrupted, nodding in the direction of the big house,  “I can guess the rest!”

She giggled wickedly. “Precisely! Maia was bored, angry, unhappy, frustrated and thoroughly fed up. She didn’t need much persuading to sell her share in the restaurant and find new employment, especially as she’s a hands-on type of girl who loves cooking and baking. The girl acts as cook and housekeeper for Patty and runs her own little business from here as well.  Does or supervises the catering for a lot of… a lot of what I’d call speciality events if you get my meaning?” she winked and made a whipping motion with one hand. “Much in demand, I gather in that capacity. She’s a very happy bunny these days, owns her own ponyboy and gets on very well with Betty. Very well indeed,” she winked at me. 

“Happy families”, I mumbled quietly but not quietly enough.

“I doubt Jimmy would agree!” she chuckled. “Not that his opinion accounts for anything, and I think after the other week, he might not embrace any opinions!”

“What happened then?” I asked, although I could have guessed the answer. 

She sighed deeply and then shrugged. “Oh, as I said, he decided to have one of those silly rebellious spells. Quite pointless, but it happens, of course, from time to time, especially in the stables.  It's to be expected, inevitable, given the nature of the beasts housed in there!”

“Rebellious?” I queried.

She shrugged. “Oh, as good a term as any.  It happened one evening when Jimmy decided to have a hissy fit and down tools, so to speak. Even threw the loaded tray he was carrying on the floor, smashing everything and then gave Patty a right old earful of abuse demanding she put an immediate end to everything.”

“Which no doubt fell on deaf ears!” I added.

“No, not at all”, she shook her head. “Patty was all ears, most attentive and listened to the whole tirade until the poor lad was completely spent and in tears; he was so overwrought”, she paused for a moment before adding. “Mind you; I expect part of the latter was because he knew what the outcome of his foolish tantrum would be”

“Inevitable?” I parroted the word she’d used a moment ago.

She nodded. “Of course, what else? Jimmy is no different to Gunner or those three animals young Chloé ought to be cooling off about now. Obedience, absolute obedience at all times!”

I nodded, thinking back to what I’d seen. “Blind unthinking obedience”

My host shrugged her shoulders. “Oh, they can think as much as they like, just so long as they don’t show it and obey every command given to them regardless of any thoughts to the contrary, Jimmy included” she paused again. “No, perhaps not quite in Jimmy’s case. He’s not an animal after all, is he?”

I was amused by that afterthought, along with the questioning look she threw at me. None of them were animals, were they, at least not in my eyes, but then I was still very new to all this, wasn’t I? “I suppose not” I temporised, “His assigned role is somewhat different, isn’t it?”

“Quite so, and Patty certainly doesn’t want to share her bed with a mindless zombie, does she? Obedient, yes, mindless, no! Anyway, I’m not sure that ‘assigned roll’, as you put it, is how Patty views their relationship”.

“Relationship!” that merited another eyebrow twitch.

“Yes, I thought I’d made that clear. Patty regards Jimmy as her chosen partner, her sweetheart, her lover, on her terms, of course.”

“Very strict terms, I’d imagine. But you were telling me about Maria, remember” I reminded her and what was that bit about rebellion?”

 “Oh, as I said. Jimmy had a silly moment. Patty was watching television, and Jimmy was bringing in her supper on a tray when he decided to throw it on the floor and have a little tantrum. Possibly not the best moment for him to choose, but then when would be?” she laughed. “Given his situation!”

“Why? I mean, why not the best moment?” I asked.

“Oh, it was one of those silly reality telly shows she was watching. You know the sort, voyeur TV! I can’t abide them myself, but Patty likes the one she was watching when he decided to throw his hissy fit!”

“Bad timing”, I surmised.

She nodded. “Very. You’d have thought he’d have had more sense and picked a more appropriate moment. Not that he’d have fared much better at any other time,” she conceded. “Well, as you can imagine, Patty was far from impressed. Her dinner on the floor she could live with. I mean, the poor boy has tripped end over end more than once because of that chain he wears. However, such a downright act of rebellion was a far more serious matter, especially since she’d thought him well past that stage”.

“Evidently not”, I murmured.

“Quite so”. She said, then sighed, “It happens quite often in the stable as well. You think you’ve turned a corner with a particular animal, indeed think you’re well past the corner, and then it goes and does something to the contrary. So disappointing!”.

I stared at her, somewhat amazed by the attitude she was taking. I mean, what else should she expect, given the subject matter? They might treat them as stupid dumb animals and view them as such, but they weren’t, were they and nor was Jimmy. My expression must have given my thoughts away.

“Close it”, she ordered, making a napping gesture with one hand. “You're doing that dead fish on the cold slab impression again. Anyway, she shrugged her shoulders. “When you come down to it, what’s different between that and taking your doggie to the local puppy class for a successful session and finding it does the exact opposite when you get home?”

I smiled and shook my head slowly. If my host didn’t know the answer to that, then there was no point in my telling her. Anyway, I didn’t need to, for she was as aware as I was of the difference, and we were not talking puppy dogs.

“Three days,” she said, nodding toward the house.

I blinked. “Sorry?”

“Oh, my fault. I was thinking more to myself. You asked where Maria came into it, did you not? Naturally, Patty was livid, so disappointed that…well, she resisted the urge to beat the lad to a pulp on the spot, luckily for him” She paused thoughtfully. “Or maybe not. The dear girl that she is can be a tad hot-headed temper-wise at times, especially when dealing with a bout of rank disobedience. Fortunately, she’s learned to keep a tight rein on that impulse. So she took the other route instead.”

“Other route?”

“Handed him over to Maria, who was naturally delighted. Told her to bring him back in a few days when he was truly repentant for his bout of silliness and then returned to her television program. I gather Maria waited for a minute or two while Jimmy begged Patty for forgiveness before taking hold of his ear and leading him away to her quarters.”.

I looked at her waiting for something else, but she was looking back at me as though I should be the one to comment, so I did saying. “I’m not sure I understand?”

“Well, because of their relationship, of course, as I told you before, " she paused. “Jimmy is far more terrified of his stepsister than Patty. I mean, he shares a bed with Patty, and there is some affection there, at least from Patty in her own cruel way. Whereas with Maria, well, as I’ve said, she positively hated Jimmy!”

“I take it that he wasn’t overfond of her either?” 

That made her laugh. “Well, let us say he wasn’t overjoyed to see her when she turned up here and even less happy when Patty explained what her role would be. Patty told me he actually shook, although, with rage or fear, she couldn’t tell. Maybe both? Jimmy is the main reason she came here, that along with a natural steak of cruelty. Put those two factors together, and you can guess why Patty handed him over to Maria?” she stopped and gave a wicked chuckle or maybe not. You’ve not been here long enough yet, have you?”

“No”, I acknowledged. “So what did Maria do to him?”

“No idea”, she made a dismissive gesture. “He was certainly well marked when she deemed his attitude appropriate enough for him to resume his duties a couple of days later. Mentally fit anyway, although he moved decidedly carefully. Long, slow, and exceedingly painful the methodology employed, I would imagine. I’ve seen her in the stables with her pony; he was a wild thing when she bought him. The girl was certainly in an excellent mood, and Jimmy’s been a perfectly obedient little darling ever since, or so Patty tells me. Now then, lunch? Something simple. I’ve some delicious bread and cheese to hand, so how about a few slices of Welsh rarebit and then what say we take a peek around the stable and then back to the big house? I called my niece when you were outside, and she has no objection. Patty might even join us, so you can ask her if you want more information on Jimmy?”

I nodded. “Suits me, and it’s a long time since I’ve had cheese on toast. Sounds great”

She threw a lovely smile at me and waived me back down as I half rose to help. “No need. You can give that fire a poke for me and put a little more coal on, if you will. I think you will find the stable very interesting!”