Being a Nazi Slave

After several days in the cattle trucks accompanied by the rhythmic rattle of the steel wheels, the train came to a halt and we could hear commands being shouted by men outside our confines. Only a few minutes later, the huge doors opened - the deep breaths the people on the wagons took nearly sounded like a soft breeze passing through an apple orchard. We were cramped into these cattle trucks, there hadn't been much place to move. We could only relieve ourselves into buckets that the guards had thrown inside before the doors locked, there was no way we could wash away the sweat of fear and despair, that our bodies produced - and the corpses of the few mostly elderly co-passengers who hadn't been able to bare the hardship started to further taint the air with the sweetish odor of death. You can imagin, that the fresh air washing over us was a huge relief - if only for a few moments.

 We were driven out the wagons at the tracks just outside the death camp Auschwitz-Birkenau. Hadn't I been filled with fear and despair, I would have been amazed by the efficiency with which the Nazi guards split up the hundreds if not thousands by sex and then into "not fit to work" and "fit to work" and in a next step the latter group into groups for the different purposes of work they were to be assigned to. We, the victims, bore this further step of dehumanization in silent despair which at times was pierced by the wails or desperate shouts when families or lovers  got separated.

 Two guards who wore the tell-tale black uniforms of the SS walked up and down the lane I was placed in - female inmates who were fit to work - and with special interest observed younger women like myself. I didn’t dare looking at them - but soon I could feel the prod of a gun barrel against my should "You there, step out and wit over there." the young man barked at me, nodding in the direction of a little group of about 10 young women and about 5 young men. We didn't dare to speak - what was there to anyway? We didn't have a clue, if the fact that we were singled out was good or bad - most of us never could judge, since the Venusberg to which we were escorted by 4 guards was the last place they ever lived at.

 The processing didn't leave us much time to ponder our situation anyway. We were led into one of the farm buildings - a huge hall, tiled in white from floor to roof welcomed us coldly. What followed was just one more step of the cruelly efficient slavery machine the Nazis had set up. We were ordered to undress. Remember: We were hardly young women and men, brought up in a rather demure society - watched by young men in uniforms. I will never forget the humiliation this was for me - by for the most massive humiliation I had to endure so far in my protected life. All of us tried to hide their private parts as well as they could with their hands and arms - none of us dared to oppose the command in the sight of the rolled up whips in the hands of our tormentors. The next orders explained the grins on the faces of the SS men - "Stand in a line, interlace your fingers behind your heads and open your legs."

 I shivered and had to close my eyes as I obeyed - I thought I was dying of shame and humiliation - how little did I know how much a human being is able to suffer, to bear. How much pain, how much dehumanization, how much humiliation. I could literally feel the young guards' eyes on our bodies as they positioned themselves opposite us, about 2 meters away.

 At this moment, one of the doors leading to the hall flew open - a tall man in his early 50ies, clad in black, his cap bearing the skull sign of the Totenkopf SS entered the room in big strides. This was the first time I saw Hans Meister.