Fleur IV: Amsterdam

When Fleur returned, the professor had already put out a glass with fresh water for his guest and he quickly resumed the interview.

“We’ve been going over your past, your experiences so far and where you’re at in your life at the moment,” he started. “I would like to wrap up our session by hearing from you anything you’d like to share with me as background information on the subjects of sexual fantasies, your general world view, plans for the future and anything else that we’ve missed. Is that ok?”

Fleur nodded.

“I would like you to just share what you’re comfortable with, no matter how mundane or extreme you may think it is,” he added.
“Don’t worry,” she replied, “I’m here to help out and learn.”

“So let’s start with fantasies, sexual fantasies,” Van Hovens continued. “Do you experience any recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies or sexual urges?”

Fleur laughed. “All the time.”

“But are there any that come back over and over again or that you’ve had for a very long time?”

“Yeah, a couple. But they change from time to time. When I didn’t have any experience myself yet, I would fantasize about porn videos I watched online. I imagined myself to be in the position of the girls that were tied up, humiliated, beaten, pierced and fucked. Some of those I still have now. I don’t know when I’ll find the time, but I would really love to re-enact some of those videos frame by frame and have them performed on myself and record them for some kind of commercial video site.”

“So these involve bondage, humiliation, whipping, piercing and sex?”

“Yeah.”

“Any specifics that stand out and come back among all of these fantasies?”

“They’re all me, alone, with one man dishing shit out on me. I really get turned on by those Torture Galaxy and Insex videos from back in the day and where they stop at the pinnacle and those girls get vibed or masturbated into orgasm and they take all the pins and needles out, I imagine staying in that position with everything in and on my body and getting a really nice cock to suck while another pounds my pussy and ass.”

“Ok,” Van Hovens responded while Fleur giggled a little.

“I guess I’m pretty intense,” she added with a smile and reached for her glass to take a sip of the water.

“And those are the older fantasies that keep coming back. What about newer ones?”

“Lately it has been like my fantasies have been influenced by play that I’ve actually done myself. Imagining where things could have gone a little further where they actually stopped at that time and trying to fantasize what it would be like if they had continued on.”

“Can you give me an example?”

“Just the other day I woke up from a vivid recurring dream in which I compete in a torture game show. To win, I have to do something that will inflict massive permanent damage to my body. It’s usually something that picks up where some recent real play left off, like I know this guy who makes torture harnesses and he tried one of his prototypes on me and that was very intense. But I dreamt a while later that he used another one that was even more brutal.”

“Anything else about these fantasies?”

“For some reason my fantasies are either me being worked on by a single guy or girl. Whenever that’s a girl, there are always guys around to fuck me while the girl keeps giving me pain. Whenever I fantasize about a guy playing with me, there’s usually no one else around. Maybe another pain slut that I can compete against for his attention, haha. Oh yeah, my hair colour keeps changing from time to time. I’ve been a redhead sometimes lately. I don’t know if that matters.”

“Is your hair naturally blonde?” Van Hovens wanted to know.

“Yes, but it’s a little darker than how I dyed it now.”

“Have you been dying it long?”

“Like this? I’ve had this off and on for about four years now. It’s very similar to when I first started dying my hair lighter when I was twelve or so. When I turned fifteen I dyed it raven black. And when I moved out, I switched between several shades of brown a couple of times, even had it bright pink and fiery red for a few weeks before going back to darker shades of brown, but that made my face look too pale. The next summer I went back to this.”

The professor kept scribbling notes while Fleur explained the outlines of her fantasies. He seemed satisfied after the last description and shifted the subject to other aspects of Fleur’s life.

“We’re getting to the end part of the list of topics that I have,” he declared. “I think we’ve managed to stay pretty focused and we have touched on some of these subjects already, but just to be complete, I’ll check the list. This is all stuff about personal history and a little bit about your personality.”

Fleur nodded.

“After that, we’ll wrap up with a look to the future and I will explain a little about a possible follow-up research that I may invite you for later, if you’re interested.”


“I haven’t listed anything under ‘Occupational history’ yet. You haven’t told me about any jobs you’ve had.”
“Other than all of the video productions I told you about?” she laughed.

Van Hovens conceded. “True, true,” he chuckled. “So what should I write? ‘Video producer’?”

“Maybe ‘Model’, ‘Actress’ or just ‘Entrepreneur’,” Fleur replied. “Unless you want to include my babysitting job that I did one time.” She laughed out loud.

“Also nothing for ‘Marital status’,” Van Hovens continued down his list.

“Just complicated,” Fleur replied. “Never married, though.”

“How about social relationships, friends?”

Fleur’s face turned sad for a second, but she tried to disguised it. “Real friends? I don’t really have any,” she said. “I used to have a lot of superficial contacts, but no true friends. There’s like online two or three people, and maybe now you as well, who know who I really am.”

A new sadness came over her eyes. It was enough for the professor to move down to the next item on his list.

“How about a criminal record?”

“I’ve never been arrested or anything.”

“So where’s the finish line?” the professor wanted to know. “We’ve talked before of a so-called ‘no limits scene’, I’d like to follow up on that now. What does the future hold?” You said you have upcoming plans for something like that?

“Yes,” Fleur replied. “I have met someone not too long ago who I am unconditionally submissive to because she takes me places I could only imagine before. She’s the most uninhibited sadist that I’ve encountered so far, and I’ve met a lot. She has made arrangements for us to travel to the UK to meet a friend of hers, who is into the most depraved pain play and body modification that I have ever heard of. She’s part of a group that pushes the limits on corporal punishment and genital torture and Dom has agreed to play with me while she’s under the influence of drugs. That’s a big turn-on for me. I want it because it brings a new and unpredictable dangerous element to what I enjoy. I want them to take my control away and use me and I want her to have her inhibitions totally taken away while she uses me. It’s kind of submission in an extra dimension. Haha. You must think I am insane.”

Van Hovens looked up. “It is not my place to judge,” he said. “I didn’t say you are insane.”

“Doesn’t my behavior have to cause ‘clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning’, to be labeled a ‘disorder’, according to the official book?” Fleur countered him with a smile.

Van Hovens smirked. “You’re way more schooled than you let on.”

“I try to understand how my brain and body work, that’s one of the reasons why I am here again today. I read some studies. I know the things I engage in frequently are not often associated with female bdsm, but rather with gay men. My question to you is: can you explain why that is? Is it because of my earlier experiences around people in the gay S&M scene? Is it because of porn I watch?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we’ve talked about typical pain administration such as spanking, caning, whipping, skin branding, electro… Also all kinds of humiliation and physical restriction and bondage. But I believe the stuff like rimming, giant dildos, golden showers, fisting and the like are typically associated with gay men in the research field.”

“What you are referring to is what we call ‘hyper masculine pain administration’. I believe studies show indeed that gay men are more likely than heterosexuals to engage in these types of activity, but that doesn’t mean it’s exclusively theirs. Your data squarely contradicts that. As to why you developed these interests, I don’t know. Could be anything.”

Fleur was a little disappointed with Van Hovens answer, but she never really expected to get all the answers to her questions today.

“Before you go, I would like to ask you one more thing,” Van Hovens wrapped up. “Later this year or early next year, I will be conducting neurological research to augment the data I’m currently collecting with these interviews. In short it means that I am asking everyone I’ve interviewed to come back to the university hospital here where we will conduct physical research to benchmark brain activity responses to changing stimuli and record these for each individual.”

“You mean those tests where they put people in a brain scanner and see what arouses them?”

“Yes, exactly.”

Fleur started laughing. “Don’t you have to lie super still for that?” She already imagined herself with her head in a scanning machine while she was tied up, bent over, getting spanked and fucked in her ass.” I don’t think that would work with what I usually do, haha.”

“We have several ways of measuring brain activity. You’d be surprised,” the professor replied.

“Sure, if you think it is worth a shot,” Fleur replied, “sign me up. I find it interesting.”

“Great. Well, thank you very much, young lady, for your time and your candidness. I hope you stay safe while you chase your dragons, I will be in touch.”