Guest Speaker

I was about to speak when the professor spoke first, looking at Nat, "My class won't need to hear this part, I'm interested but are you sure you're okay with,"

I interrupted "Professor, this is going to be difficult enough for me to get through and Nat to listen to without interruptions. If Nat is uncomfortable, she'll speak up. We agreed it's best for her to hear this from me, not have me talking about this without her here."

The professor just nodded silently and I continued, in more of a monotone than usual, I tease Nat because she wants it and I've grown to like it, but it still hurts that she needs to cope with what happened. "I told Nat to stand up for a second, put a towel underneath her on the bed where she was sitting and another on the floor, then I poured a little warm water onto the dressing, let it soak in, and continued. I then carefully pulled away the dressing, moistening it a few more times. When I first pulled it off, I didn't realize because of the swelling from the operation, exactly what had happened. I put down the pitcher and lifted up my phone to record what Nat looked like, I didn't realize what had happened yet, there was some scabbing that had come loose and some swelling. I looked more closely, still not saying anything and starting to feel afraid, when Nat spoke up, asking me what it looked like. She had to repeat the question and I just said, I don't understand. Like an idiot I was still recording what her pussy looked like, I mean sorry vulva," The professor didn't say anything but just shook her head silently which I took to mean she wasn't criticizing my words, so I continued. "Nat grabbed the phone from me, stopped recording and watched the video. Like me at first she didn't realize what she was looking at, then her expression changed and she looked at me with fear in her eyes, and said what, what happened? Then immediately she told me to go grab her makeup mirror, you know one of those magnifying ones. I hesitated and she told me more strongly to go get it and she dropped the phone beside her on the bed. I went to get the mirror and came back, I was just holding it I didn't want to hold it so Nat could see, she grabbed the mirror from me and faced the magnifying side towards her pussy, and was just quiet for a bit. Then she touched it, obviously it was sensitive, and then she just put the mirror down on the bed beside her and was quiet, looking down. When she looked up at me her eyes were red, I could feel that I had teared up also, and was starting to get the sniffles, you know how when you cry you can get a runny nose too. Nat's always been take charge, well less so now as we talked about, but her expression firmed up and she told me to take some photos, and take her to the closest emergency room. I mean with the exchange there was a nurse available but obviously she, we, wanted someone more knowledgeable and more private. I took some photos, called an uber, and we went to the hospital. In the emergency room, I'm using our term not what they called it, the intake questions and they could speak English, were nature of injury, genital wound, Nat was asked questions if it had been sexual assault and DNA processing required, no, if it was currently bleeding, no, etc. they didn't seem to want to know too much else and just said it was a matter for a clinic not emergency room, and gave us a preprinted map showing some of the closest ones. We'd taken an uber there, Nat was obviously in some physical pain when walking, but the nearest one was close enough that she said she could make it. Once there I had Nat sit down and picked up a form, it was still paper forms not electronic, went back to her and filled out most of it except for the signature part myself. We carried our proof of health insurance with us in our purses normally, it was something we were advised to do when we went on exchange and bought the insurance package." I hadn't been making eye contact with Nat or the professor while I was speaking, it was too difficult for me, but I glanced at the professor now and from her expression, one eye half closed, I gathered she didn't care about details of the health insurance package we'd gotten for the European exchange trip. "Anyway" there I go again overusing that word "when we eventually saw a doctor, it was a woman which was probably better for Nat considering her experience, I won't go through all the details but she said she sometimes saw things like this with women or girls from some immigrant communities or women who'd married someone from another culture and agreed to the procedure, she emphasized that because Nat was an adult she was not obliged to report the matter to the police, but invited her to do so. Nat explained that it had been on a road trip to Eastern Europe and she wasn't sure exactly what had happened on the trip with a group of women. At this point we hadn't seen that a video was stored on Nat's phone. The doctor had an expression, I mean maybe I'm reading too much into it, but kind of a mix of sympathy and thinking Nat had been stupid. She explained that the situation wasn't urgent, and that depending upon the extent of damage there might be some help with reconstructive surgery, but that was something she advised consulting an expert about. She asked when we were returning, I mean our insurance and passports made clear we were from the US not European, we were in the last week of the exchange which was no more classes or exams having the week off for fun. Not that this was fun but at least we didn't have to worry about missing classes or having to pretend everything was normal around all the other exchange students. Nat told me to go to the last party on Thursday night and pretend everything was normal and she was just under the weather, I did that later, but here and now on Monday, the doctor just advised that the stitches were dissolvable so Nat didn't have to worry about that, as if that was her concern, and that flying since it wasn't an area like the sinuses or ear that would be subject to differential air pressure should be okay, we discussed the antibiotics and ibuprofen, all that seemed fine, the doctor said it looked like a nice professional job. She actually said that, that it was a nice, professional, job. Like she was more curious at this point about the surgical expertise of the guy who'd done it then Nat. Anyway, we left after the usual warnings about if symptoms like high fever or bleeding occurred, she gave Nat a new antibiotic prescription so that she wouldn't be taking pills that she couldn't be sure what they were, and clarifying that it wasn't a domestic police matter, we'd think about what to do, and there was no urgency medically, or at least, there was nothing that could be done anytime soon at least until after recovery."

I thought for a moment then continued, "We went back to our room, just said a quick hello to a few other students we passed but I said we were feeling under the weather, to avoid talking to them. Once we were back Nat said she really didn't feel up to doing anything but was going to try to sleep, she asked me to make appointments if I could for a couple of lawyers Tuesday, the next day, and book travel, and to please not leave the room in case she woke up so she wouldn't be alone. That's one thing, Nat's always been able to fall asleep quickly, not like me. We already told you about the meetings with the lawyers, the flight back there was no dressing or anything metal, so no issues with the scanner, Nat certainly didn't want a pat down search. Oh, when we met the lawyers they advised that, not having the pain pills to analyze, it was up to Nat whether to pay for analysis of the apparent antibiotics she'd been given, but apparently without the full name of the physician on the label, like we had with the new antibiotics Nat had been prescribed, she might get into trouble taking the pills back. We decided that they were probably just antibiotics, and not worth getting into legal trouble or trying to find a lab to analyze what was probably just an antibiotic. I mean maybe that was a mistake, but whatever. After Nat woke up Monday evening, she was obsessively looking through her phone and looking for backups of deleted texts, and that's when she saw that all the remote backups had been deleted for the last few days, and found the video saved on her phone, once it started to play she just handed the phone to me and asked me to watch it because she couldn't. I mean, she ended up having to watch it with the lawyers the next day, like we talked about, but she didn't watch it that Monday night. I could barely watch it, but I was also fascinated. Of course our prior argument was all forgotten at this point, or at least I thought it was. I'll talk about that later, or Nat will, because it actually relates to how Nat discovered she's turned on by being teased or humiliated about what happened to her. I think she should talk about that, but I'll just finish up the other stuff from our last week in Europe before we returned, except for going to see the lawyers, we thought in Berlin was best given where we'd met the group, we stayed at the exchange dorms the rest of the time, Nat did end up joining me on Thursday for meals but Wednesday I brought food to her. We both spent Wednesday looking up doctors to visit when we returned, stories women had about FGM either as children and coping as adults, or a few stories about women who'd had it as adults, even came across some stories about women losing their clit in a sexual context, I mean erotic stories, some stuff on reddit, porn videos showing women who'd been circumcised, sometimes meaning no clit hood sometimes meaning no clit. Even cartoon drawings about it. Some stuff, that was less disgusting and gave us more hope, was about women who'd had reconstructive surgery or who even without it could experience orgasm with some effort. Of course there was also a lot of stories about women who never orgasmed again. Anyway," aargh again with that word, why do I keep saying it, I know I'm writing here about what happened but I'm pretty sure I said anyway even more than I'm reporting here, "I think Nat should take over discussing about how on Thursday, after we'd gone to the cafeteria for lunch and I'd had some wine and had to remind Nat she couldn't drink yet because of antibiotics, back in our room we had a fight that led to first discovering how Nat got turned on by being reminded about, teased about, and humiliated about, her clitoridectomy, her missing clitoris, anorgasmia, inability to orgasm without clitoral stimulation, being a clitless nympho,"

"Enough!" Nat half shouted but she had at least a weak smile and I was relieved that I'd been correct in assuming that once we were past discussing her clitoridectomy and discovery, and got to the day she discovered her new turn on, that she'd be okay with being teased again.

I looked over and saw the professor leaning forward a bit, she said "Someone who has experienced a clitoridectomy developing a kink or fetish around the experience, is of great interest to me as a researcher, and as a teacher. This is probably the area of your experience, Natalie, that I would most want to focus on now, and in class. So to the extent you are willing, I'd like you to go into as much detail about your sexual feelings regarding your clitoridectomy, and how you discovered it, despite being anorgasmic without clitoral stimulation, which of course is now impossible for you. Barring a potential future successful medical intervention or sufficient growth of remnants of clitoral tissue with your use of androgel."

Wow, the professor was still using words like clitoridectomy and clitoral and anorgasmic even more than me, just reinforced my idea of roleplaying as the prof with Nat later, assuming Nat wasn't too creeped out. I mean, it turned me on enough that I'd probably push to do it anyway unless Nat used a safeword. I don't want to discuss the safewords we use or how we picked them, because it involves some personal stuff. I mean, I'm describing our sex lives and clits, I mean clit since there's only mine now, and orgasms or lack of orgasms, but still, there's something about safewords that I don't want to talk about. We have one for, not really a safeword but I like this, do it more, one for, you're pushing boundaries but I'm not saying stop, but maybe better to try this another time, and one that is total stop, if roleplaying drop character, stop anything physical, and if tied up release me. But wait, the professor said kink or fetish, here's my chance to ask, "Professor, sorry to interrupt, but what's the difference between Nat having a kink or a fetish?"

Nat said "I'm interested too professor".

"To possibly oversimplify, a kink is something unusual that enhances sexual pleasure, and a fetish is something specific, not necessarily unusual, that is needed for someone to be aroused sexually. So you, Natalie, even without being able to orgasm, experience sexual pleasure. If you can experience sexual arousal and pleasure without being teased or humiliated about your condition, your lack of a clitoris and inability to orgasm, then it is a kink. If you require this teasing to be aroused, it would be a fetish. But it could be more specific, I realize in this environment it may be difficult to tell, but is it only Jane teasing and humiliating you that arouses you, or anyone? Is my emphasizing your lack of a clitoris, your inability to experience clitoral orgasm or for that matter any orgasm, emphasizing your experience of a clitoridectomy, something that arouses you, or are you aroused generally because you're here with Jane and so it all ties into a humiliating clitoridectomy experience featuring her?" We both just stared silently at the professor, who spoke up again, "Natalie, my questions and choice of words are genuinely related to my academic research and teaching interests. I want to know if you have a kink or fetish specific to Jane or more generally anyone teasing you about your clitoridectomy. But if you are offended by my repeatedly referencing your clitoridectomy, your lack of a clitoris, your inability to reach a clitoral or for that matter any orgasm for the rest of your life barring a medical breakthrough, then you shouldn't be a guest speaker in my class. You can expect to get more embarrassing, humiliating, insensitive questions from students. I mean, they are undergrads, and I don't like to police what questions they may ask, you can of course refuse to answer but I wanted you to have at least some idea of what you'd be getting into."

Nat smiled again, genuinely a bit stronger than before and not a grimace, "Thank you for explaining professor, it did seem you were almost teasing me more than Jane, and no offence to you Jane," she looked at me for a second, "but I think anyone teasing me about my clitless state would turn me on. It's just that, the only one I want touching me sexually is Jane. Or at least have Jane involved, if we decide to do something semi public. Which I still can't believe you suggested!" She glared at me for the last bit, but I could tell it was a mock glare, she wasn't really offended. Didn't mean she'd agree, but she at least was fine with me bringing up the topic. "Whether or not it's a kink or fetish, I think that since my clitoridectomy" Nat barely hesitated at the word, but it was still difficult for her to say "and given how soon we discovered my turn on, all my sexual play has involved either being teased about being clitless or anorgasmic?" The professor just nodded at the word, Nat continued "or, has involved me fantasizing while being stimulated around the topic, so I can't say whether I need it to be aroused or if it just enhances it. And it's kind of like, don't think of a pink elephant, how can I not think about or fantasize about being clitless when I am clitless?!" For whatever reason, Nat found it easier to say words like clitless rather than the more clinical clitoridectomy or clitorectomy. She avoided calling it female circumcision, probably because of the confusion of terms of what circumcision meant, that she was a victim of. Unless of course Hilda did it deliberately, which we still didn't know and might never know. And we both preferred except in special cases to save use of terms like FGM or in full female genital mutilation, for victims who were children or teenagers.

The professor nodded and spoke, "Yes, I can see that. If I think of an experimental protocol that might help distinguish between them I'll let you know." Wow, hardcore academic, now I'm thinking my roleplay as her with Nat will have me talking about experimenting on Nat sexually! "But, we may have gotten off topic again, my fault this time, for how the topic of your clitoridectomy and anorgasmia became a turn on for you, please do most of the talking yourself, Natalie, and as much detail as you feel able to provide. Also, my apologies for assuming, if you have any idea whether it's more your clitoridectomy procedure, or state of not having a clitoris, being clitless as you call it, or being anorgasmic, unable to orgasm, that turns you on, please let me know. You might not know, it might be all of those things, but I shouldn't have assumed. Please, continue, Natalie, I believe Jane" she turned to me for a second, "said you made this discovery after you returned to your room after lunch on Thursday, with Friday being your last full day before returning to the US on Saturday?"

"Yes, professor, that's right" Nat said while nodding. "So aside from everything else, and still having some physical pain despite ibuprofen and the walking around, and of course emotionally I was a wreck, Jane drinking wine at lunch and reminding me I couldn't was just the last straw. I mean, looking at it later not really her fault though I think she could have skipped wine with one meal, but anyway I was spoiling for a fight when we got back to the room."